Pretty Good Week!

Hey,

I'm not going to lie, this week has been pretty magic! It's probably the best week since the Graduation/RockNess/Oasis period in early June. I know there hasn't been much competition for "best week", mainly because every week has followed the same format of three things:

a)That I don't like working
b)Whether I went out at the weekend or not
c)What music I like currently.

Now don't worry, because these elements are still in this week's blog. It wouldn't be a blog without them. This week just had a bit more good things to report back with! Normally I have to keep track of exciting things that happen be writing it down before I forget, but I realised that using twitter (see right) could do the same thing.

The week started just as any other, working Monday and Tuesday back shift. On Wednesday I went to the gym with Cara, which was fun mainly, except for her showing that the majority of the fitness I once had had diminished. Twenty minutes of the treadmill and I was nearly out of breath. I could blame it on Morrisons, on how I have to work all hours to save for university (see point A) but instead I'll blame it on the asthma. It is a right bastard.

After the gym I went for a swim with Cara, but tired as I was from the gym I opted for playing "drowning victim #1" for her lifesaving test. I played the role very successfully I felt, though the splashing and my shouting was unnecessary.
Apparently.

Then later that evening on Twitter - which is now in the English dictionary by the way, as is "btw" - cool stuff happened. Firstly a tweet to You Me At Six was replied by the band (I think, it's the official twitter but possibly not them), it went along the lines of this:

"DavidCHilds: who writes the lyrics in @youmeatsix songs?"
"youmeatsix: @DavidChilds That would be Josh!"

Now I know they are a bit emo, but I don't really care to be honest. Later on that evening they announced that they are doing a store appearance (meet and greet, acoustic set, I am not sure) at Avalanche shortly after I move to Glasgow. Good times!

Thursday was also an excellent day. Not because I was working 12-9 (of course not) but because an article of mine got published in When Saturday Come's website. WSC is this independent football magazine, a favourite of mine as it is filled with good sports journalism. To get my article published on the site (http://www.wsc.co.uk/content/view/3820/38/) about Fort William FC's reality TV is something I am quite proud of. The guy behind the project has actually read it, as he commented about it on his faceebook I have been told. In exchange for doing the piece I got a football book, which was in my hands the next day. So, in theory I got paid £13. Well, in pages.

I spent Saturday evening not going out (see point "c")due to finances/lack of willingness to go. This will sound sad but the TV was worth staying in for. The United/Arsenal match and the Milan derby were smashing matches, followed by Mock the Week, Have I Got News For You, Shooting Stars and Match of the Day. Perfect night in.

The CD fair was in town on Sunday (b). Got a few albums; Placebo's "Without You I'm Nothing" and Europe's greatness. The Europe album is immense! It's very 80's, very over the top with one too many solos but overall an album collection is not complete without one. Billy Talent III, surprisingly the third album from Billy Talent,is also a decent album.

And that has been the week basically. Been a pretty good week overall and this one should also be good, with a return to Ossians imminent!

DC

One Week Closer

Hey,

A fairly unspecticular week this one I am afraid. In a bid to save as much money as possible before I leave this town I don't go into town as much. This has led to a few things. Firstly, I have saved money on shots and other poisons, and also a distance from Ossians has been maintained - it's a month now, by the way - which is good. What this has meant is that not much is happening in my life.

Glasgow looms nearer. At the time of writing, I have two weeks left of working at Morrisons, and a further five days until I leave for Glasgow. It's all getting quite close now; pre-registration is complete, Murano Street has a room for me and my Freshers' Week pass is paid for. What is annoying however is that the bands for the Freshers Week hasn't been announced, as opposed to Strathclyde who have (Idlewild, Funeral for a Friend, Twin Atlantic etc). I can only hope ours is as good as that line up.

Twin Atlantic are a band I have only just got into in the past seven days. The lead sings with a broad Scottish accent, but not one of those annoying Dundonian ones like The View. This could just be because I am West Coast, but it just sounds nicer, no? I learned about them through the site Grant works on (www.thisistheknow.wordpress.com) I wrote some gig reviews for the site of Athlete from the BA a few weeks ago and Rockness. Have a look if you like. I also got in touch with with a newspaper from the University. They say I can contribute, which is good. Another sign that University is nearing is that last week I got some stationary shopping done! The exclamation mark is deliberate, because there is something geeky - yet fun - of being organised. Like, it is comforting to know that you have an array of pens and paper at your disposal. As Cameron put it, it is the "honeymoon period". Is this making any sense to you? Because I can understand if it doesn't. Speaking of you (in general) I had to disable comments on the blog, because of "Bloggo". I don't really care if this blog is rubbish, I only write it to keep my nine or so brain cells active.

I played cricket on Saturday, and annoying, lost cricket on Saturday. What is annoying most is that we were capable of beating them ("them" being Kinloss) but we had a lot of younger players in the squad. They did well but on another day we could of won. I scored seven runs, which took me an eternity to score. During my stay at the crease I got hit by the ball on the body three times. And it hurt. To put it into perspective, a cricket ball weighs 5 1/2 ounces, and travels at about 70mph. A shinty ball weighs only 2 1/2 ounces. After the game I spoke to a player from Kinloss who has met Dallas Green. Needless to say I am very envious of him.


I watched a few things on TV this week. I'll start with what was probably the worst of the programs I watched - "Being Human". To simplify the program, "Being Human" is about a dead person, a vampire and a werewolf living together in a house in Bristol. That's right, Bristol. And for some reason, they are all obsessed, unnecessarily, with sex. As the werewolf boy with ears belonged to different postcodes to his head, "This guy is teaching me how to speak to girls". The scene when he chats up the nurse is truly horrendous. As for the vampire, his vampire friend sends him a video of "vampire porn", which only involves one person since the vampire isn't picked up on camera. Not only is it not very good, it's a touch disturbing too. Not to mention pointless.

"Outfoxed" is a documentary I watched on Tuesday about the work done by Fox News and Rupert Murdoch, and it exposes just how right-wing their "fair and balanced" news coverage is. I won;t spoil the program by going into detail but if you want a laugh, try and catch some of "The O'Reilly Factor". More conservative than I am when I only have £4 to last three weeks. I finished the book "Netherland" this week, bit of a dissapointing ending though, and I tried to read "Goodfellas" but I couldn't get into it because my imagination had been ruined from watching the film. I am reading a Charlie Brooker book instead.

So that's the week then, but before I go I have to say, Kenny MacAskill - and the SNP - got the Lockerbie thing wrong. Compassion is all fine and well, but it doesn't bring lives back.

DC

Insert Title Here

Hey,

It has been a busy-ish week the previous seven days. Once again I have found taking notes to be the best way of keeping track with my mediocre life. Is it a bad thing that my memory is so poor that I need to take notes so that I don’t forget my own name? Maybe…

On Wednesday I went to Nikki’s house to watch the premier of the road trip that my friends went on during the summer. The trip took them round the country whilst I, although invited, declined to stay in Fort William. I regret this. The trip looked awesome, from going to “Storybook Glen” to their own Christmas dinner in Glasgow in July. Hopefully I will do something similar with them next year, possibly abroad.

That evening, on a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing, my friends and I decided to take a trip to Inverness to catch a film. With a bit of time to kill Cameron and I found us at the Morrisons outside the Eastgate Shopping Centre and, because my life is sad, I went to the Fish Counter. I am aware that, if I was ever popular, that popularity has vanished. What I will say though is that it wasn’t a touch on my – er, I mean Fort William’s – counter. Store 178 for life.

The film we went to see was “The Ugly Truth”, which starred the guy from “300” and the girl from “Knocked Up”. It’s a rom-com, a predictable one at that, a plot I won’t go into because when you eventually come round to renting the DVD you too will get it. This is not to say that it is a bad film, because it’s not. In some scenes it is quite funny. It’s just the ending is well, for want of another word, expected. With pay day not til Friday and with us hungry, we opted for one large pizza from Pizza Hut. However with no large bases left we got two medium pizzas for the same price. Good, stomach filling times.

Pay day did arrive on Friday, with those hours of overtime coming to fruition. The only snag being Mr Taxman decided to be a right tool. Out of my earnings I was deducted – tax and N.I. combined – roughly £200. This feels harsh but I should get a rebate for most of it when the time comes round, which I think is April time. So in a way the Government are saving money for me, technically? Friday night was also the night of Caitlin’s 18th birthday party, which had a 70’s theme. Personally, I hate themes. I hate dressing up, it makes me feel ridiculous. I feel like being a fishmonger is a form of fancy dress alone. But I made effort to dress up. Well, kind of. I went as a young Paul Weller, with leather shoes, trousers and a Ben Sherman top. I felt it was a clever choice but bar five people I got the general shout of,

“Here, you well didn’t dress up eh!”

After hearing this for two hours I changed not my clothes but who I was meant to be. For the rest of the night I was a man from the future. It was a very good night though it must be said. Drinks, friends and (cheesy pop) music meant it was a good way to end the working week.

I played cricket on Saturday. I lost at cricket on Saturday, away to Ross County. We are getting better though as a team and just for the record, we are not bottom of the league. No, no, no. We are second bottom. This summer has been a big learning curve but we can only keep improving. I was meant to go out on Saturday but tiredness and Match of the Day kept me in. This means the Ossians pact remains strong. Twenty-three days now. More paperwork from Glasgow University turned up on my doorstep on Saturday. From what I gather from my provisional timetable I don’t appear to have any lectures on a Monday. This means it’s a long weekend every weekend! (On second glance I do have classes on a Monday, but none on a Friday. Heck, I will take that!)

Work on Sunday was tough because I was by myself at the Fish Bar. This meant that I had to prepare salmon myself. I filleted seven salmon on Sunday and, if I am honest, I am quite proud of it. It’s a skill I may never need again once I leave the shop but still. I might make it my party piece. Later on that night Liam came round for a few hours of Kopparberg and Xbox. I am a man.

And that, my friends, has been my week. Only three weeks or so left in Fort William and then I am gone. To be honest, it hasn’t really sunk in yet. As my friend Lorna once said about leaving school, “it will be weird without a bell telling me to go”. She was right, probably. A wee mention also to Callum before he leaves to go to Guyana on Thursday for a year to teach maths and physics. Oh, as well as circus skills. All the best, son.

DC

Ps Craig, welcome to blogging etc!

Dinner, anyone?

Hey,

As far as recent weeks go by, the last seven days have actually been quite eventful. I'm not sure if more has happened or whether the fact I have chosen to take note of what I did on a piece of scrap paper throughout means I simply have more to write about. Either way I'm not short of things to say this week.

So shall we start with those exam results I was on about last week then? The postman brought with him on Wednesday two C's and two B's. Not spectacular but I'll accept. What was spectacular was I managed to achieve a B for Int. 2 Hospitality! This, I am assuming, must be a printing error. For now, in theory, I can cook. Nonsense. My speciality, which you may want to try at home, is Digestive biscuits with Primula cheese. It's delicious and ridiculously easy to make, and to be honest it's as far as my cooking ability goes so I'm expecting my mark to be downgraded to a at least a C purely for common sense. Wednesday also brought with it a win away from home for Celtic in Europe. This created a smirk on my face for the rest of the week until Friday when I discovered we play Arsenal in the next round. Oh well. At least we won away from home for once. The last time we did I was twelve years young. Seriously.

Work has been less depressing now that I officially have a leaving date following the resignation letter I wrote on Thursday. My last day is Tuesday, September 9th 2009 at 2000 hours. I cannot wait. The only downside is I will probably be back there earning a few extra faces of the Queen at Christmas. But let's not dwell on that the now. I have four weeks left, and I can live with that. Although Thursday at work was particularly awkward. Despite being a blogger (a faithful one at that) I won't go in to details if that's ok with you? Yes you, ?

Saturday, my single day off, was also eventful. I played cricket against Elgin in Fort Augustus. We lost, despite my heroic four runs, but I feel we are getting better because we are playing decent opposition every week. And because we haven't won in a few months the only way is up. Besides, we're still doing better than the football team. At night I went to town and then to a friend from work's 21st. It was nice. It also had a buffet so all was good. Note that I didn't go to Ossians again this weekend? That's sixteen days now.

When my dad goes on night shift, which is roughly one every three weeks or so, it means that me and my mother have control over the TV. This week was one of those weeks, which we used wisely to watch some films. On Monday, I witnessed my first Pink Panther movie. It made me laugh because of the slapstick, but I got the feeling I would have appreciated even more if I had seen it when I was ten. Still, the distinct lack of PC - ranging from the awful French accents to "Hello, my yellow friend!" - means it is definitely worth watching. After a break on Tuesday to watch Charlie Brooker (type "Iron Chef America" into Youtube, it is so funny) I watched "I Am Legend" on Wednesday. It's a good film but a few faults; for a start, when people die and become zombies, why do they become Golem from Lord of the Rings? There was a token Hispanic women in the film as well. Which meant she had to be superstitious and believing there is "someone watching over us". Nothing wrong with this, it is just so stereotypical. Look at Mia in Heroes for instance. The third and final film we watched this week was "Team America: World Police". Needless to say this was my choice, and I know at the back of my head that it wouldn't be mother's cup of hot beverage. But she really liked it, the skill to create the puppets and the sets partly, but also because of the way it mocks the mocking of right-wing America. I fast-forwarded the Puppet-Sex scene, before you ask.

Though I haven't mentioned it in recent weeks, I am still enjoying reading. I am currently reading "Netherland" by Joseph O'Neill. I can't really be bothered describing it to you, so if you are interested follow to the link to it's Amazon page (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Netherland-Joseph-ONeill/dp/0007275706/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249929280&sr=8-1). The next book lined up is "Goodfellas", and I cannot wait to start reading it. If it's as good as the film it will be worthwhile.

Of course it wouldn't be my blog without me voicing an opinion on music now would it? Last night, to see if they are worth the hype, I listened to a Kings of Leon album. Not "Only by the Night", but "Aha Shake Heartbreak". I have to be honest, it's not that good. It sounds as if a county band have only just discovered electric guitars. The lead singer's vocals are erratic in some parts and intolerable in others. The "IIIII" in Pistol of Fire is the single worst noise I have ever heard. Debate commence.

So that's been my week then. Meet you here same time next week to discuss Caitlin's 70s-themed birthday party and another week at the Fish Counter? I thought so.


DC

Overtime, Family, and the Importance of Being Emo

Hey,

I'm back to writing my blog on a Monday after my special weekend edition, once again thank you for the ideas, hope I answered them sufficiently. Which I doubt. And sorry for not answering Craig's question. Nothing personal. You're just not on Twitter.

So what's new then? Not much to be perfectly honest, apart from a few people (ie Grant) realising just how emo I actually am. He discovered this on Last FM, this site which monitors just exactly what I listen to (http://www.last.fm/user/DavidChilds). According to this I listen to an unhealthy amount of Fall Out Boy. Yeah, I like Fall Out Boy, and You Me At Six, and all that other stuff. It doesn't make me less cool now does it? I certainly hope not. The thing with music is technically no-one's taste is bad, because it is emotive. It is personal to them. Therefore, in theory there is no such thing as bad music. Apart from The Feeling. No amount of listening will make them good. Remember The Feeling? They really were awful. They had a lyric along the lines of "At least they're not lonely" which seemed to be repeated over and over like tetanus.

Speaking of music, I can't get enough of You Me At Six's new song "Kiss and Tell". To be honest it feels like I am the only one who really like this band. They played at T in the Park, and when I asked people if they went to see them I got the same response of "errr heck no!" or "sorry David, I am not gay". I will let you make your mind up, I think it's really good but you'll probably disagree, knowing you, stereotypical reader (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8auJqDS65s).

I admit if you have read my Last FM page you will think I am emo, but am I? I listen to a lot of stuff, ranging from the "emo" stuff I like from Fall Out Boy to music like Simian and Justice etc. I even listen to Akala i.e "The Black Shakespeare" So please, don't judge me?

I must say I don't help myself with the tickets I have purchased last night. Billy Talent and Rise Against when I move to Glasgow to go with the ticket for Alexisonfire I bought earlier. I'm going to enjoy it so there! They all should be good nights I am hoping.

Anyway, I think I should move away from the emo music rant on to my life. This is what this blog is for after all. I did overtime this week on my scheduled day off on Wednesday. It's surprisingly OK. The pay is good (time and a half, which is pretty magic actually) and if anyone shouts at you you just say,

"Here, I'm in on my day off I'll have you know!"

For some reason, this creates an automatic reaction of backing off. The person, only seconds ago who was slating you, now feels apologetic, without realising that I am actually getting paid more than them. This makes no sense.

I won't be working overtime this Wednesday for two reasons; 1) exam results come in and 2) the Dinamo vs. Celtic match is on TV. You can make your on decision to what is more important. Luckily, I got my grades for University last year. I'm glad. I don't think I could hack waiting for the postman again. What I am interested in is the grade I got for Hospitality. It's a really difficult course and I'll be doing well to pass. Cooking doesn't come naturally to me so if I can get a C it would be an amazing achievement.

I had family visiting this weekend, lots of them. There was Siobhan and her boyfriend Dale, who brought The Hangover with them. Hilarious. My only grumble is that Siobhan "borrowed" my Charlie Brooker book "Dawn of the Dumb". I'll be surprised if I see that book again. My uncle and his family were at my Gran's on Saturday night. I went there rather than sell my soul to the Ossian's Devil again. I am keeping tabs on my Ossian's celibacy. Currently it stands at nine days, so watch this space.

Saturday night at No.23 was a good night actually. Banter was decent, and I heard all the "How I Met Your Mother" stories which was nice. Turns out, my father didn't propose to my mum, but as they both put it, "she assumed". Amusing. A night not out also meant I was refreshed for my Sunday shift at work. And that my friends is rare.

Anyways, that is me for the week. My chest is slightly lighter after getting the emo stuff off it. Overall a decent week too, as well as a week in Morrisons can I suppose. I'll be back next week with exams results in hand.

DC

ps. Hospitality? Aye it's an Int. 2. Still tough though.

I asked. You replied.

Hey,

So last week, in sheer boredom, I asked for your ideas for what I should blog about because my life had slowed to snail pace. An old snail. A snail with a bad back and is just waiting for a size 9 to cut it's misery short. If I am honest I didn't expect many responses but thank you my Twitter community! I shall deal with the ideas individually, the Twitter ones. I would do the Facebook ones too but I am tired. Today's my first day off since last Wednesday, so if you mind I am going to enjoy it ok! But before I go to catch up on sleep. Here it goes...

@jaffajadey - "david childs i think you should write about your views on swine flu"

Ah. Swine Flu. I haven't done that much research but every now and then I come across the Daily Mail at work with it's fear-mongering. I know that it's bad. I know it makes you ill and can possibly kill you, especially if you are a Mexican pig farmer. But I am not a Mexican pig farmer. Heck, I'm not even Mexican. What it means is I - and this could be very ignorant of me - can't seem to take it too seriously. I'm aware that by typing this my chances of catching Swine Flu have multiplied by at least seventeen, but for me Swine Flu is just an insult now. Swine flu is the new AIDS.

@cambium0 - "write about me selling mr k non-alcholic beer"

Now Campbell is referring to Rt Hon. Charles Kennedy MP buying from Co-Op. Which is fair enough, although I have never personally tried the non-alcoholic stuff to be honest. Because, if we're honest, beer doesn't taste nice. It doesn't. Cider, yes but beer. No. The only reasons why men drink beer is for the effect and for the bravado. As said in Peep Show about wine,

"It's nice for wine. Not as nice as hot chocolate though"

That sums it up nicely. And hot chocolate is nice, any day of the year. As for Charles Kennedy, he has always been symbolic of Fort William for me. Not because of his much publicised drink problem. But because he, our MP, is the most famous person to come from here. Even more famous than that decorator on Channel Five. Or Duncan Shearer. The fact that our MP is the local celebrity shows just how little happens here.

@nimro - "6000 words on molecular theory and its application in cyan ink."

Pass. It's times like these I like to remind you of my science ability. I am hopeless at all that stuff. I did Higher Chemistry and got N/A, which then got upgraded to a D> That's right, upgraded to a fail. So even the word molecular strikes fear in me. Social sciences are far cooler anyway.

@monekymad2 - "The sexy side of Mr Blobby: A polka-dot prostitute."

I found this one amusing. It would explain quite a bit. Why Noel Edmonds always had that cheeky smirk in the early nineties, and also why he became a recluse until his return as a mysterious box opener.

The story for Mr Blobby then. A name like Mr Blobby isn't his proper name. It's Clive. His name is taken from a mistaken understanding phrase, which was perceived as "fond of the blobby". Clive soon became known round the streets of Dagenham as "Mr Blobby" due to the services he offered. His services in erotica led to him being invited to a house party in 1996 and with Noel he hasn't looked back. And before you ask, I don't know why he moved to Dagenham in the first place.

So there you go. I asked. You replied. I am grateful you took the time to ask me such questions, both topical and purely farcical. I'll do it again the next time my life falls in to a lull. Which hopefully isn't for a while.

Thank you all, my fellow Twits.

DC

Boiled Frogs - I Need Ideas

"My youth is slipping, my youth is slipping away
Safe in monotony, day after day"

Hey.

The lyric up there, is from a song called Boiled Frogs by Alexisonfire. I know it's written about a worker being forced to quite his job so that he doesn't get his pension, yet the lyric seems very fitting. I'm sorry if my life, and consequently my blog, has dried up in comic value, you'll just have to bear with me on this one.

So I don't really know what to type about to be perfectly honest, why do you want to know? Even I'm getting bored of writing about my work life now, and now that I'm working six days a weeks the now (I've been working since Thursday, not off until Saturday) my life does not consist of much else. Effectively nothing happened this week, apart from drinking too much on Saturday, which I really regret. I'm making a deal with myself - no more Ossians until the last weekend before I leave. The extended license is fancy talk for the Devil's work. Before I went on Saturday I was having a fine evening, having a drink (socially) with a few friends from the old hockey days (Yan, Wei, Michael, Richard etc) at the Grog and an hour later - a mess. So no more, ok! If you see my in there, remind me of this blog.

This is what I'am going to do. I want you readers, all five of you, to come up with ideas for me to blog about. Anything, and I'll give you an opinion, which could be poorly research and lack poltical correctness. Any ideas?

I am serious. Give me something to write about and I'l write it. My life is too quiet for words.

Do your worst,

DC

The return of money. And not much else.

Hey,

So here we are again. Monday. It's 18:51 on my laptop as I type, meaning I finished work one hour and fifty one minutes ago. That's five o'clock by the way. As I said last week my life isn't getting any more exciting, with this week's blog being consuming mainly programmes/films I've watched and music that's been in my head. Basically. But please keep reading, I'll try and spark a wee bit of humour in there. I'll try.

Work remains the same, with the one difference being that I have now seemingly become competent at my job! Seriously! In recent weeks boredom has got to me so badly that I have started to get work done. I serve. I clean. I cut. I'm now a waiter, cleaner and hairdresser all in one now. Technically. Well maybe not. This morning the manuscript went as follows,

Boss: Good work yesterday, David.
Me: But....
Boss: But nothing, you did everything right for once.
Me: Really? Thanks!

Ok, so I might just be hasty in my declaration of competence. It was only one shift. But it was a tough shift, as tough as fish mongering (spell check, help me?) goes. Due to the other person being sick I was effectively working all day by myself, which meant I had to serve, "do the paperwork", "do the ice", cut salmon quite a bit, "do the reductions" amongst a list of things. For nine hours.

I write about my work today as if it was a big deal. However we must consider just how mediocre I am at my job. I'm pretty convinced my smile alone has got me through some tricky situations in the past. I have (unfairly) a reputation for being a bit of a dosser. My work appraisal read like an ADHD sufferer's Primary Five report card, because I am,

"a nice boy, but who is too easily distracted"

So I am quite happy about this acknowledgment of progress. I have been there since February 2007. Which is two and a half years. Which is twenty-nine months. The Butchery had an emergency when all the dead pigs not only came to life, but also began to fly also when news of my good work spread. My intentions are to make this a regular occurrence, although hopefully more common than my weekly blog, which is surprisingly weekly.

Work was also at the centre of my happiness as last Friday brought what is now becoming my favourite day of the month; pay day. I never fully appreciated the art of budgeting. It is an art. It's self control. It's head over heart, needs over wants, water over Pepsi, The Sun over The Times. This will sound pathetic but the first thing I did when the money was in my account was buy The Times. I missed being informed. I missed the in-depth sports coverage. Towards the end of last week I couldn't afford a newspaper. Working has allowed me to learn a few lessons. One of which is that a newspaper is actually a luxury. Before I did not know that.

With these lessons in mind, I still ended up at the Ossians on Saturday. Brief paragraph this but the conclusion is; I should stop paying them £5 every time I am in town. It doesn't help me. Especially when there's a shot bar.

Anyway, during the day on Saturday I spent the day mostly practising my guitar, since my cricket was cancelled and the weather was poor so I couldn't go out and play. Before you ask, yeah I have a guitar. I got one for my 18th birthday. I'm still in the early stages of learning but I am really enjoying it. And on Saturday I dedicated the whole day to it. I learned three new songs (America's Suitehearts, Semi-Mental, Meds) and honed my cover of Dallas Green's "The Death of Me". Such a good hobby to pick up, literally. I also picked up Linkin Park's live CD/DVD from Milton Keynes. Without exaggeration it is one of my favourite live albums, up there with "A Cross the Universe" from Justice and City and Colour's live CD. I recommend it.

Watched a few films this week too, now that we have some of the film channels back on our Sky. I watched "The Bucket" on Thursday, which is a nice pleasant film. Many critics call it "heart-warming", though I can't agree on this one. For my mother only saw the last ten minutes and by the end she was crying her eyes out. She was always the sensitive type but this is uncharted for her. She'll be bubbling over Flintoff's LBW next. And mum, because I know you read, you know I'm only joking. I also watched "Vantage Point" which is fairly "so-so" and "Cleaner" which I thought was rather good. Then again it had Samuel L. Jackson starring, so it was bound to be good anyway. The guy has a Midas touch on scripts. If only he starred in "Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny". For all of our sakes.

So, there you go. Weekly installment number six (if we exclude the photos from Athlete). More exciting memoirs soon, potentially going to M&D's next weekend!

DC

The return of money

The return of TV, the loss of money

Hey.

The longer I dwell into this summer of discount-ent the less entertaining my life seems to become. And for that, all I can say is sorry, I suppose. Sorry for clicking that link. Sorry for going on my facebook. Sorry for making eye-contact in first year English and we've kept in touch ever since. I promise my life will get more interesting - or at least I hope it does -when I move to Glasgow in September. Then the blog will be more worthy of your attention, rather than the celebration of moaning and small-town hatred against supermarkets. As it stands the title of my blog, "Meh", seems rather fitting.

In the mean time, in the past seven days I have grown to accept Morrisons and the way of life it embraces. What is the point of me getting all emo (because, despite my hamster cheeks I am not 14 anymore) about what is pretty much a summer job? Exactly. Besides sometimes it's actually good banter because I'm not the only one in in this position. Interestingly enough, due to the sharpest edges of cardboard boxes my arms are now cut to shreds in suspicious patterns. If I could just find my old Bullet For My Valentine t-shirt then I'd look quite the Kerrang poster boy. And as I type Underoath come on shuffle on my iPod. It's like my past is trying to draw me back to the old days. No, I say, no! At this point the soundtrack to my blog-writing session has changed to Florence + the Machine's single "Rabbit Heart". Quite possibly my favourite song at the moment. I have come to the conclusion that if life gives you AIDS, make lemonade. Not that I am suggesting for one second that working is Morrisons is anything like having AIDS...

Recently I have been working increasingly frequent shifts in the Wines and Spirits (Booze eh!) department at work. It has it's upsides to the Fish Bar (that's right, a Bar) in the fact that I don't smell half as bad as previously after a shift, and that I don't half to cut anything or myself. The downside is my persevering body odour is far more recognisable and my shaky hands has lead to the occasional dropping of precious alcohol. The other day I dropped a box of blue WKD. The most annoying part is that for the rest of my shift my feet smelt of Clubland. If Mozart had the ability to confuse senses (for example, to him a sound could be very green since he visualised a colour when he heard a noise) then I think I could have the same problem. When I got a whiff of my shoes the song "Disco Lights" by Darren Styles. I want to go out every night oh....

I can't afford to go out every night. I couldn't afford to go out on Saturday night. But I did, for it was Cara's 18th birthday dinner. It was overall a decent night, though town was fairly quiet for T in the Park was on, but she seemed to like the Justice CD I got her. With pay day not until Friday my current financial position lies at a minus, which is less than healthy.

Which is why it's really good that TV has got really good again. Tuesday night brought "You Have Been Watching", a programme hosted by Charlie Brooker. You might have seen that I have mentioned Brooker in previous blogs. Personally, he is one of the funniest writers I know of. So to see him on TV discussing a street fight between the IRA and the Taliban -I know this falls into the "You have to see it to appreciate this blah blah blah category" - was really quite funny. I have his books, just ask if you want a lend. The only downside of the show was that Jamelia was on the show. She offered the comic value of a teenage "Save the Trees" activist, too old to patronise but too young to slap in the face. She was surplus on the show. But then again, so were the other two panelists. They should just rename it "The Charlie Brooker Show". It would be a lot better. "Mock the Week" also returned this week after what feels like an eternal absence. I'm so glad it's back, I missed Frankie Boyle's outlook on the world. But Andy Parsons (ie the bald one) is still there? I think he's the only one keeping score because all he does is answer the topical question correctly. Any chance of replacing him with Charlie Brooker?

T in the Park was on over the weekend, and from sources (ie Cameron) it was pretty amazing. I could give it the same scrutiny as I did with Glastonbury a few weeks back. It would be so easy, all I would have to do is add "Here we, here we, here we fucking go!" every couple of sentences. They - I use "they" rather than "we" because I hate the chant - love that phrase up here. I still don't know why.

The festival also bring with it a festival in it's own dedicated to T-related headlines in the tabloids. It's so predictable. It's always "T-reffic" or "QualiT". See if it was average would the headline be "mediocriT"? I doubt it. I challenge the red-tops to be more creative. They probably won't.

Anyways, there goes my life again. As it stands I have no plans for the following week other than serving my time for the big M. Hopefully something crops us before next Monday so I can be entertaining.

DC

Morrisons - Doubleplusungood

Hey,

So here we are, once again. It's Monday afternoon. I am tired, for I have just finished working 6-3. This means I have been up since five in the morning, so my spelling/grammar may not be that good. So now I warn you, if this blog becomes John Smeato-like I can only apologise. Seriously, have you read his "column" in The Sun. It's awful, but "down tae earth". I add now due to the dull nature of my "M" Value life the first section of my blog is merely an album review. It keeps the brain active. As you will read on, Morrisons isn't at the top of the David Childs list of popularity, amongst other things.

Alexisonfire's new album "Old Crows/Young Cardinals" is however. I have always been a fan of Alexisonfire - in particular Dallas Green's voice - but had personally felt that the screaming was unnecessary. However in recent years, like a young child, the screaming has calm down. The final song on the album, "Burial", sounds as if it has been lifted from Green's solo folk project City and Colour, another act I advise you listen to if you like artists such as Damien Rice. This album has caused a rift amongst Alexisonfire's hardcore fans, who complain that their new mainstream sound has been at the expense of what they once were. For me, I see this new album as progression, a step forward by the Canadian band.

The reduction of (pointless) screaming has not meant that they cannot still produce aggressive, up-tempo music. Most of the album, on the contrary, is of this genre. One song on the record, "Sons of Privilege" is a surprisingly staunch attack on America, a political route that Alexisonfire have not indulged before. Nor is it that subtle, with the main lyric repeated towards the end,

"It's time to justify your pride in America"

Overall, the new album is one that I really like. Then again, you're stance on "screamo" music will determine whether you like this album or not. It is no coincidence that my favourite Alexisonfire album go in the opposite direction of the dates that they were released. As I've said though, for me this is their best release yet and I cannot wait for their gig at Glasgow's ABC in October.

Now, Morrisons....

Do you want the simple statement, or the over-exaggerated, deeply detailed yet brimming with sarcasm? Because you're going to get both of them I am afraid. I despise the place. I despise the person it has turned me into. The monotony of my surroundings have made me quiet. I like to keep myself to myself these days, and I don't think that's me? It's got to the stage now that during my lunch break I much rather read my book or listen to my iPod than talk to people. And when I do speak it is normally either sarcastic or I just try to mix things up a bit. For example,

"Do you know where she's gone?

"Je nais se pais"

"Err?"

I've even resorted to Newspeak from 1984 in some extreme cases. The word ungood has been used a few times. Just because I don't like speaking to people at work doesn't mean they are bad people (though some are). I can't complain about my boss, she's fair and doesn't mind compromising for shifts etc. It's just that the whole full-time shop worker life is not for me. I like to think I am not arrogant by saying this. But even my spots have worsen (which I am blaming on Morrisons, not my poor diet) since I've started working full time. I just want something more from life, and I don't think a £6 an hour job in the middle of nowhere could supply this. I really cannot wait to go to University now.

Speaking of 1984, whilst we are here, I finished that book this week. It is a really good read, although the ending is a bit of a twist to what I personally expected. I won't ruin it for you, all I will say is that Morrisons is my Room 1o1. I am currently reading "Mystery Man" by Colin Batemen. I also bought the special Michael Jackson edition of TIME Magazine. Turns out he's still dead, who knew? It's actually very interesting, it's almost as if he got worse the whiter he got. He is the exact opposite of teeth.

Played cricket again. Lost cricket again. I scored a duck. Back to usual, then. But as a team, we played well against Lossiemouth, the best team in the North of Scotland. We managed to keep them to under 300 and Kev scored a few more runs to add to his sixty-odd last week. (Just for the record, I just didn't add that because I found out he actually reads this blog).

Due to fiscal restraints, with most of my money going to the DCUF (David Childs University Fund) I spent another Saturday night indoors. I spent the evening watching the film "Iron Man" staring Robert Downey Jr. I like it, although I could not help but notice a few things. Firstly, a character of his significant intelligence that Tony Stark has would surely suffer from deep, extreme autism. And secondly, why put your own name on your weapons? You'd be as well just walking about with blood on his hands. Also, such a vibrant media personality who dealt in the weapons industry would be a bit tasteless, no? As is the gold and red suit? That's what I thought.

So that was my week. Sorry it hasn't been as witty as previous blog entries, sleep deprivation and Morrison's-related depression haven't got me in the mood. I have Cara's birthday dinner on Saturday, so that should be fun.

DC

ps Andy Murray in the tennis? Hate to say I told you so....

Intimacy in Photography

Hey.

Now this isn't a blog as such, but just the photos from the Athlete gig from Friday night. As you can see, I got pretty close. So close in fact that I could see the set list, which made the encore slightly - actually, very - predictable. Still a good gig nonetheless.

Whilst I'm here, in regards to yesterday's blog, I am not against any of the more senior acts playing at Glastonbury. Heck I love Madness and The Specials are quality also. Spinal Tap will always make me laugh when I watch the film/see their gigs. It's just that bloody Status Quo really - and I mean really - annoy me and they just so happened to trigger some angst.

Hope all is forgiven,

DC

Glasto, Jacko and Wimbledon-O?

Hey.

Remember how I said I would make my blog a Monday evening affair? Well, for this week only I'm doing it tonight (Sunday). Partly because I worry I will not be bothered to do it tomorrow after doing 6-2 at work (that's six in the morning, which is early, so very early), partly because doing so now means I don't have to endure watching Status Quo at Glastonbury which is on in the Childs' household currently. We will get to Glastonbury later though after my life has been put through it's weekly analysing on the Internet.

My life has been fairly dull this week. Work has been fine, with nothing being as nearly troublesome as the OctopusGate of the previous week. Although I did get pulled up for the size of my Salmon fillets and my parsley distribution. Seriously. Parsley distribution sounds like the worst job to receive when turning up to aid work to me;

"So what am I going to do here then? Build a school? Create a well? Curve the trend of illiteracy?"

"Err... no. Parsley distribution actually. I'm not lying it's an important job!"

"You are lying though aren't you?

"Yes, yes I am."

Regardless of that pointless monologue I still failed to distribute my parsley to Morrison's standard. The consequences of this I will share if/when they come. I doubt there will be consequences though to be honest.

On Friday, I went to see Athlete at the BA Club, and I must say I was pleasantly surprised at how good they were. A reviewer would call the gig "intimate", and heck, who am I to disagree? Me and my friends were literally (yes, literally) a metre away from the lead singer. My only concern beforehand was that I knew little of their material. The only song I knew properly was "Wires", but it turned out I knew more than expected. Overall a very good gig, closing with "Wires" which was dedicated to the Bromies!* I also exchanged Facebooks with the drummer of the support band "Capital" for £5 and their EP. Does this make me sad? I don't know. But if you're reading this, where did you get the link from? Exactly. Whilst we are talking music, I bought Alexisonfire's new album "Old Crows/Young Cardinals". I recommend.

Played cricket. Lost cricket. This is becoming a recurring theme which I'm not enjoying. I managed to do worse - albeit slightly- by scoring twelve runs. I have faith that we will do better though, like you care. Which I doubt.

As you can see, my life has been pretty dull this week, and with so many other things going on it would be nonsensical of me not to mention such events. So, let's start with the retirement home which is Glastonbury. I'm not ageist or anything like that, all I am saying is this; Status Quo, why? I mean, seriously, what is the point of them playing at it? I rather see someone with learning difficulties shout random words over and over again. Hence the success of Britain's Got Talent.

But they are not the only ones to go on board the SAGA coach to Glastonbury this year. Crosby, Stills and Nash, Springsteen, Madness, Neil Young. It's like pressing play on a docking station at a party without realising you took your Dad's iPod by accident. There were still some music from the 21st Century there like Dizzee Rascal, Kasabian, Franz Ferdinand, Bloc Party, Pendulum. But - and this will make me look cool - I've seen them live before anyways.

Another great tradition we have here other than a nostalgic desire to bring back bands not from our own generation is Wimbledon. It annoys me that for two weeks of the year the British public suddenly realise that they are tennis fans. It annoys me further when people say and write that us Britons love tennis, for this is nonsense. If Britain loved tennis, we wouldn't have allowed Greg Rudeski to be British, would we? Nor would we would have required him to be so. We speak of great duels between Nadal and Federer, but how often, outside of the months of June and July, do you see "Nadal vs Fed" outside a pub? You see, Britain does not love tennis at all; Britain loves Wimbledon, and there's a difference. We - I say "We" for I am as guilty as everyone else - love the tradition of it all; the tennis whites, the Robinsons fruit juice, the frantic running of the ball boys even when it seems so pointless and, ultimately, the inevitable demise of the Great British hope. I have a feeling Andy Murray is in danger of an almighty collapse. My bet is against Andy Roddick. Speaking of almighty collapses....

Michael Jackson. His death has just been in the news, he has been the news. Personally, I heard the rumours that he had died whilst on Twitter, though I did not receive full consolation until Sickipedia had broken down. It's a shame that he will probably be remembered for "touching kids" even when this was proven otherwise.

Will his funeral be televised to the same standard of the news channels on Thursday night, though? When it was confirmed that he had died I watched the coverage that the channels offered, and it varied wildly. Al Jazerra, for instance, had no coverage at all at his death. Ignorance! Apparently, there's some voting problem in Iran or something like that. Bloomberg TV also showed no coverage. Once again, ignorance! Surely they can see that his death is very important economically. Think of all the CDs bought after his passing - an 8000% increase in sales is reported - and what are these bought with? Money of course! Get it sorted, Bloomberg.

They should take some tips from Sky News. To support their pictures from Los Angeles, they had Uri Geller on the phone. Now, Uri Geller had just found out that his close friend had died, and then has to endure Kay Burley on the phone. Tough evening. He probably hasn't been this distraught since the time he found out bending spoons with your mind was not as cool here as it is in Israel. Especially when you can bend it physically. Even I can do that. It's well easy.

Anyways, that's me for this week. I don't have any plans so next week's blog could well be me commenting on Andy Murray's defeat. Oh well.

All the best,

DC

*"Bromies" is the term that myself and my friends Cameron and Stevie refer ourselfs as. It stands for "Brothers", "Homies" and "Roomies" from our London trip. And yes, we are very cool.

Oasis, Octopus, Orwell, etc.

Hey everyone,

I know I said I'd write on Friday in the last blog, but by Friday the enthusiasm was gone for writing for some reason, so I'll make this a Monday thing if that's ok with you? Having published the last blog with a bit of success I think I will carry on - and yes Yan, I will drop the "Stay Classy".

So, the last seven days then. Between Tuesday and Thursday I was in Edinburgh to see Oasis (and Kasabian, The Enemy and Reverend & the Makers, although the latter not so much) at Murrayfield. But before we get to that we must discuss the night before, in which Cameron and I went "out" in Edinburgh with a few Edinburghen (?) friends. I must say I had fun - heck it's hard not to with £1 shots - and I'll probably do it again. We negotiated the foreign (well, foreign to us) city well, though our success heavily relied on Cameron's iPhone. It really does have an app for everything, and we enjoyed the travelling aspect so much a trip to Germany next summer is looking possible.

Oasis. Amazing. The build up started for us at half two, roughly six hours before they were on stage, but those six hours proved to be eventful. For a start, the cue waiting to enter Murrayfield was, for me at least, the first time I saw Neds. Not the type you get here, they are like a diluted version of the Ned principle, a sort of Ned-Lite almost. These were genuine. It fitted the stereotype perfectly; "Trackie bottoms" tucked into socks? Check. Buckfast? Check. General deviant behaviour? You get where I am going here... When standing in the cue I could not help but feel the way a Westerner does whilst on a Safari in Africa, or even a visitor to a zoo. I felt like an outsider, someone who didn't belong to their environment. Whilst watching their behaviour it was a mixture of intrigue in fear; I wanted to watch on but at the same time eye-contact would be the death of me. All this before the gates had even opened.

I'll skip Reverend & the Makers when discussing the night. It wasn't that they were bad, infact "Heavyweight Champion of the World" and "He Said He Loved Me" were really good songs. But the lead singer just ooozed tube-ness. His constant peace signals to overcome one-fingered salutes just annoyed me. I ain't a hippy (or a Japanese girl according to Rachael's photos) so I don't do all that stuff. Crowd participation has never been my forte, anyway.

Looking back, I still can't believe that The Enemy or Kasabian could be billed as "support acts" to anyone, Oasis included. The sets they put on were immense, with particular highlights "Away From Here" and "Fire". I recommend them to anyone, and I am now annoyed The Enemy played Oban and I didn't go. Hindsight's wonderful. Remember those people shouting "LSD's for Sale" last week? Well, it was at Oasis too, but on a lesser extent. This time, it was "Poppers For Sale". Are poppers legal? They must be. Either that or the Police have lost the use of their eyes, although that wouldn't surprise me. They can't even hold on to their name tags (in reference to those riots a few months back?)

At roughly 8.30pm, Oasis arrive on stage. And for the next two hours they were superb. They were typical Oasis; Liam, in Parker, staring out the crowd for what seemed for like an eternity at a time; Noel quietly getting on with his own business on guitar while occasionally taking over the vocals, usually with a better singing voice, heck a better voice full stop, than his brother. During "Wonderwall" I phoned Stevie, to which he replied:

"I don't believe than anybody feels the way I do about you now... Utter jealousy! xxx"

I know I'd be jealous. And the three kisses, for the record, that's just how we roll. I received similar phone calls from friends at the Take That gigs at Hampden on Friday and Sunday. I don't care what anyone says, "It Only Takes A Minute" is an awesome song. But would I swap Oasis for the Circus-styled affair? My sexuality says "no".

By Friday I was back working again, which was a reality check if ever I needed one again. Edinburgh, along with Graduation and Rockness, had been amazing and what did I return to? The cleaning of an Octopus, that's what. It sounds bad, yes? Times that by ten. Then add having to dispose of the insides, which I can only describe as yellow puss. Hence, Octopus? Let me know if that is the case.

Played cricket again. Lost cricket again. But at least I scored some runs - 13 to be precise - so it could have been worse, I suppose. I went out Saturday with Stevie for what was meant to be "a quiet pint". With Stevie though, this is seldom the case and four hours later I found myself at Ossians Disco. Again. Secretly I'm ashamed that I always find myself there on a Saturday. Then again, it was actually good for once. It also re-iterated that I will never get bored of "Bonkers". Or "Boom Boom Pow" for that matter.

It's been a busy week, yet throughout this I have managed to read "Animal Farm" and I am currently two-thirds through "1984", both by George Orwell as you probably know. I'm really enjoying 1984, it just feels really relevant these days despite being written in 1940-something. It feels good just to read - and through this write - again.

Busy week again this week, working all week then Athlete at the BA on Friday. I'll let you know how I get on.

DC

RockNess and all that it brings

So, RockNess. Where exactly do I begin on this weekend? For a start I feel slightly like a fraud for Not arriving til midday on the Saturday and leaving fairly promptly after the Prodigy on Sunday (ps thank you Carrie and Grant for lifts to and fro), meaning I only "slept" one night rather than the three that most people I knew did.

Over-excited and under-fed, arriving at the festival I found myself under the influence of my strongbow way earlier than expected, and between 2 and 6 on Saturday afternoon it all seems a bit blurrish. I didn't miss anything major, the only reason I wanted to go on Saturday was Dizzee. Rascal.

Luckily I got there (both physically and mentally) in time to see Mr Rascal on the main stage. And I was not disappointed. The songs I wasn't too familiar with (such as Old School) were good; the ones I did know (Sirens, Dance Wiv Me, Fix Up Look Sharp) were spectacular. Once again I feel like some sort of deviant for happily singing the words which are based on racial discrimination, for example "Run when you hear the sirens comin', I can hear the sirens comin", but saying that should I? I just really like the song is all.

Which leads me to "Bonkers". The song is so simple, barely a dozen lines which work in a easy rhyming way, but it is wonderful. My improvised dance routine, which involved a clever - or at least I thought it was clever - bit in the "sex and violence" line was a particular highlight. Basement Jaxx followed Dizzee, and they too were really good, opening with "Good Luck" (my favourite Jaxx song). Only low light was the acoustic version of Romeo, was not required.

The night between Saturday night - I think it's called Saturday night but I haven't researched - went smoothly. For some unbeknown reason I ended up camping with "across the water" people, only three of which I knew. Relatively sober now in a crowd of drunk strangers, I became strangely more sarcastic; every little thing they said I criticised, every song they chanted I corrected them on their grammar ( I taught someone how to sing "Everybody Nose" by N.E.R.D 'properly'). And I'm not going to lie, I had a great time. No wonder Charlie Brooker has such a good time on "News Wipe", his humour is spreading. The rarity of sleep also crept my way at RockNess - six hours to be precise which is a lot in festival time - and for that I am very grateful.

Sunday was a different, somewhat better day in Dores. Beginning with a breakfast consisting of a Bacon Roll, Cider and Ice Cream (why?) the cider proved to be one of only two drinks I had the whole. I basically gave away my rum because during my time at the campsite I realised I was there for the music, and not for the add ons - both legal and illegal - that others go for.

Drugs are a problem at festivals like these. It's not that I'm some ignorant country boy who did not expect drugs to play a big part at RockNess - I am asthmatic after all - but it was the openess of it all that took me back. People going round shouting "LSDs for sale" in the tone of 1920s Paper Boy, for some reason I don't remember it being like that last year. They were all like people who auditioned for "Layer Cake" and failed, both black and white but with the same bloody Danny Dyer accent.

But aye. The music. It was what I was there for after all. And my and your God it was worthwhile. There was the obviously brilliant performances of the Prodigy and Soulwax, both I like and Soulwax in particluar. The remixes of Robot Rock and Phantom were superb. Luckily for me I managed to get to the very front in the Clash Tent to witness. The "Radio Soulwax" t-shirt I purchased, despite leaving me skint, is so cool it's worth it. Hopefully I'll see Justice soon. Biffy Clyro were OK, but the voice of the lead left alot to be desired, so much so I think I could've sang better. And that's saying something.

There were a few surprising acts that since arriving home I have looked up, Scratch Perverts and The Whip in paticular. The Pendulum DJ set and Chase & Status were also impressive and I left the festival with the same outlook of dance music that I had last year when I saw Digitalism, Simian and Boys Noize last year; that it is, in the right context, bloody rather good.

The weekend saw me meeting people I did not expect to; my cousin Laura, and Eve, a girl who'd I never met previously but knew "through Bebo" and is a big Dallas Green fan like myself. She has her ticket for Alexisonfire in October, I'll get mine on Friday when I get paid since money will be tight until then. I also met a girl I tried to chat up once at a "Mod Stud Con"; well, I didn't recognise her but she recognised me. I think I have one of those faces? Either way it was still embarrasing.

But that was RockNess 2009. Will I go next year? Who knows. I prefer Gigs to be honest. The money I spent on RockNess is the equivilant of seven gigs. It's a toughy. Speaking of gigs, Oasis on Wednesday at Murrayfield with Cameron should be really good, especially with Kasabian and The Enemy. I'l let you know how that, and the night out with Edinbugger folks on Tuesday, goes when I return to my laptop, which is looking like Friday night/ Saturday morning.

Stay classy,

DC

ps Hannah and Rachael, hope J-land continues to be magic! And I want some Mountain Dew now.