Boiled Frogs - I Need Ideas

"My youth is slipping, my youth is slipping away
Safe in monotony, day after day"

Hey.

The lyric up there, is from a song called Boiled Frogs by Alexisonfire. I know it's written about a worker being forced to quite his job so that he doesn't get his pension, yet the lyric seems very fitting. I'm sorry if my life, and consequently my blog, has dried up in comic value, you'll just have to bear with me on this one.

So I don't really know what to type about to be perfectly honest, why do you want to know? Even I'm getting bored of writing about my work life now, and now that I'm working six days a weeks the now (I've been working since Thursday, not off until Saturday) my life does not consist of much else. Effectively nothing happened this week, apart from drinking too much on Saturday, which I really regret. I'm making a deal with myself - no more Ossians until the last weekend before I leave. The extended license is fancy talk for the Devil's work. Before I went on Saturday I was having a fine evening, having a drink (socially) with a few friends from the old hockey days (Yan, Wei, Michael, Richard etc) at the Grog and an hour later - a mess. So no more, ok! If you see my in there, remind me of this blog.

This is what I'am going to do. I want you readers, all five of you, to come up with ideas for me to blog about. Anything, and I'll give you an opinion, which could be poorly research and lack poltical correctness. Any ideas?

I am serious. Give me something to write about and I'l write it. My life is too quiet for words.

Do your worst,

DC

The return of money. And not much else.

Hey,

So here we are again. Monday. It's 18:51 on my laptop as I type, meaning I finished work one hour and fifty one minutes ago. That's five o'clock by the way. As I said last week my life isn't getting any more exciting, with this week's blog being consuming mainly programmes/films I've watched and music that's been in my head. Basically. But please keep reading, I'll try and spark a wee bit of humour in there. I'll try.

Work remains the same, with the one difference being that I have now seemingly become competent at my job! Seriously! In recent weeks boredom has got to me so badly that I have started to get work done. I serve. I clean. I cut. I'm now a waiter, cleaner and hairdresser all in one now. Technically. Well maybe not. This morning the manuscript went as follows,

Boss: Good work yesterday, David.
Me: But....
Boss: But nothing, you did everything right for once.
Me: Really? Thanks!

Ok, so I might just be hasty in my declaration of competence. It was only one shift. But it was a tough shift, as tough as fish mongering (spell check, help me?) goes. Due to the other person being sick I was effectively working all day by myself, which meant I had to serve, "do the paperwork", "do the ice", cut salmon quite a bit, "do the reductions" amongst a list of things. For nine hours.

I write about my work today as if it was a big deal. However we must consider just how mediocre I am at my job. I'm pretty convinced my smile alone has got me through some tricky situations in the past. I have (unfairly) a reputation for being a bit of a dosser. My work appraisal read like an ADHD sufferer's Primary Five report card, because I am,

"a nice boy, but who is too easily distracted"

So I am quite happy about this acknowledgment of progress. I have been there since February 2007. Which is two and a half years. Which is twenty-nine months. The Butchery had an emergency when all the dead pigs not only came to life, but also began to fly also when news of my good work spread. My intentions are to make this a regular occurrence, although hopefully more common than my weekly blog, which is surprisingly weekly.

Work was also at the centre of my happiness as last Friday brought what is now becoming my favourite day of the month; pay day. I never fully appreciated the art of budgeting. It is an art. It's self control. It's head over heart, needs over wants, water over Pepsi, The Sun over The Times. This will sound pathetic but the first thing I did when the money was in my account was buy The Times. I missed being informed. I missed the in-depth sports coverage. Towards the end of last week I couldn't afford a newspaper. Working has allowed me to learn a few lessons. One of which is that a newspaper is actually a luxury. Before I did not know that.

With these lessons in mind, I still ended up at the Ossians on Saturday. Brief paragraph this but the conclusion is; I should stop paying them £5 every time I am in town. It doesn't help me. Especially when there's a shot bar.

Anyway, during the day on Saturday I spent the day mostly practising my guitar, since my cricket was cancelled and the weather was poor so I couldn't go out and play. Before you ask, yeah I have a guitar. I got one for my 18th birthday. I'm still in the early stages of learning but I am really enjoying it. And on Saturday I dedicated the whole day to it. I learned three new songs (America's Suitehearts, Semi-Mental, Meds) and honed my cover of Dallas Green's "The Death of Me". Such a good hobby to pick up, literally. I also picked up Linkin Park's live CD/DVD from Milton Keynes. Without exaggeration it is one of my favourite live albums, up there with "A Cross the Universe" from Justice and City and Colour's live CD. I recommend it.

Watched a few films this week too, now that we have some of the film channels back on our Sky. I watched "The Bucket" on Thursday, which is a nice pleasant film. Many critics call it "heart-warming", though I can't agree on this one. For my mother only saw the last ten minutes and by the end she was crying her eyes out. She was always the sensitive type but this is uncharted for her. She'll be bubbling over Flintoff's LBW next. And mum, because I know you read, you know I'm only joking. I also watched "Vantage Point" which is fairly "so-so" and "Cleaner" which I thought was rather good. Then again it had Samuel L. Jackson starring, so it was bound to be good anyway. The guy has a Midas touch on scripts. If only he starred in "Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny". For all of our sakes.

So, there you go. Weekly installment number six (if we exclude the photos from Athlete). More exciting memoirs soon, potentially going to M&D's next weekend!

DC

The return of money

The return of TV, the loss of money

Hey.

The longer I dwell into this summer of discount-ent the less entertaining my life seems to become. And for that, all I can say is sorry, I suppose. Sorry for clicking that link. Sorry for going on my facebook. Sorry for making eye-contact in first year English and we've kept in touch ever since. I promise my life will get more interesting - or at least I hope it does -when I move to Glasgow in September. Then the blog will be more worthy of your attention, rather than the celebration of moaning and small-town hatred against supermarkets. As it stands the title of my blog, "Meh", seems rather fitting.

In the mean time, in the past seven days I have grown to accept Morrisons and the way of life it embraces. What is the point of me getting all emo (because, despite my hamster cheeks I am not 14 anymore) about what is pretty much a summer job? Exactly. Besides sometimes it's actually good banter because I'm not the only one in in this position. Interestingly enough, due to the sharpest edges of cardboard boxes my arms are now cut to shreds in suspicious patterns. If I could just find my old Bullet For My Valentine t-shirt then I'd look quite the Kerrang poster boy. And as I type Underoath come on shuffle on my iPod. It's like my past is trying to draw me back to the old days. No, I say, no! At this point the soundtrack to my blog-writing session has changed to Florence + the Machine's single "Rabbit Heart". Quite possibly my favourite song at the moment. I have come to the conclusion that if life gives you AIDS, make lemonade. Not that I am suggesting for one second that working is Morrisons is anything like having AIDS...

Recently I have been working increasingly frequent shifts in the Wines and Spirits (Booze eh!) department at work. It has it's upsides to the Fish Bar (that's right, a Bar) in the fact that I don't smell half as bad as previously after a shift, and that I don't half to cut anything or myself. The downside is my persevering body odour is far more recognisable and my shaky hands has lead to the occasional dropping of precious alcohol. The other day I dropped a box of blue WKD. The most annoying part is that for the rest of my shift my feet smelt of Clubland. If Mozart had the ability to confuse senses (for example, to him a sound could be very green since he visualised a colour when he heard a noise) then I think I could have the same problem. When I got a whiff of my shoes the song "Disco Lights" by Darren Styles. I want to go out every night oh....

I can't afford to go out every night. I couldn't afford to go out on Saturday night. But I did, for it was Cara's 18th birthday dinner. It was overall a decent night, though town was fairly quiet for T in the Park was on, but she seemed to like the Justice CD I got her. With pay day not until Friday my current financial position lies at a minus, which is less than healthy.

Which is why it's really good that TV has got really good again. Tuesday night brought "You Have Been Watching", a programme hosted by Charlie Brooker. You might have seen that I have mentioned Brooker in previous blogs. Personally, he is one of the funniest writers I know of. So to see him on TV discussing a street fight between the IRA and the Taliban -I know this falls into the "You have to see it to appreciate this blah blah blah category" - was really quite funny. I have his books, just ask if you want a lend. The only downside of the show was that Jamelia was on the show. She offered the comic value of a teenage "Save the Trees" activist, too old to patronise but too young to slap in the face. She was surplus on the show. But then again, so were the other two panelists. They should just rename it "The Charlie Brooker Show". It would be a lot better. "Mock the Week" also returned this week after what feels like an eternal absence. I'm so glad it's back, I missed Frankie Boyle's outlook on the world. But Andy Parsons (ie the bald one) is still there? I think he's the only one keeping score because all he does is answer the topical question correctly. Any chance of replacing him with Charlie Brooker?

T in the Park was on over the weekend, and from sources (ie Cameron) it was pretty amazing. I could give it the same scrutiny as I did with Glastonbury a few weeks back. It would be so easy, all I would have to do is add "Here we, here we, here we fucking go!" every couple of sentences. They - I use "they" rather than "we" because I hate the chant - love that phrase up here. I still don't know why.

The festival also bring with it a festival in it's own dedicated to T-related headlines in the tabloids. It's so predictable. It's always "T-reffic" or "QualiT". See if it was average would the headline be "mediocriT"? I doubt it. I challenge the red-tops to be more creative. They probably won't.

Anyways, there goes my life again. As it stands I have no plans for the following week other than serving my time for the big M. Hopefully something crops us before next Monday so I can be entertaining.

DC

Morrisons - Doubleplusungood

Hey,

So here we are, once again. It's Monday afternoon. I am tired, for I have just finished working 6-3. This means I have been up since five in the morning, so my spelling/grammar may not be that good. So now I warn you, if this blog becomes John Smeato-like I can only apologise. Seriously, have you read his "column" in The Sun. It's awful, but "down tae earth". I add now due to the dull nature of my "M" Value life the first section of my blog is merely an album review. It keeps the brain active. As you will read on, Morrisons isn't at the top of the David Childs list of popularity, amongst other things.

Alexisonfire's new album "Old Crows/Young Cardinals" is however. I have always been a fan of Alexisonfire - in particular Dallas Green's voice - but had personally felt that the screaming was unnecessary. However in recent years, like a young child, the screaming has calm down. The final song on the album, "Burial", sounds as if it has been lifted from Green's solo folk project City and Colour, another act I advise you listen to if you like artists such as Damien Rice. This album has caused a rift amongst Alexisonfire's hardcore fans, who complain that their new mainstream sound has been at the expense of what they once were. For me, I see this new album as progression, a step forward by the Canadian band.

The reduction of (pointless) screaming has not meant that they cannot still produce aggressive, up-tempo music. Most of the album, on the contrary, is of this genre. One song on the record, "Sons of Privilege" is a surprisingly staunch attack on America, a political route that Alexisonfire have not indulged before. Nor is it that subtle, with the main lyric repeated towards the end,

"It's time to justify your pride in America"

Overall, the new album is one that I really like. Then again, you're stance on "screamo" music will determine whether you like this album or not. It is no coincidence that my favourite Alexisonfire album go in the opposite direction of the dates that they were released. As I've said though, for me this is their best release yet and I cannot wait for their gig at Glasgow's ABC in October.

Now, Morrisons....

Do you want the simple statement, or the over-exaggerated, deeply detailed yet brimming with sarcasm? Because you're going to get both of them I am afraid. I despise the place. I despise the person it has turned me into. The monotony of my surroundings have made me quiet. I like to keep myself to myself these days, and I don't think that's me? It's got to the stage now that during my lunch break I much rather read my book or listen to my iPod than talk to people. And when I do speak it is normally either sarcastic or I just try to mix things up a bit. For example,

"Do you know where she's gone?

"Je nais se pais"

"Err?"

I've even resorted to Newspeak from 1984 in some extreme cases. The word ungood has been used a few times. Just because I don't like speaking to people at work doesn't mean they are bad people (though some are). I can't complain about my boss, she's fair and doesn't mind compromising for shifts etc. It's just that the whole full-time shop worker life is not for me. I like to think I am not arrogant by saying this. But even my spots have worsen (which I am blaming on Morrisons, not my poor diet) since I've started working full time. I just want something more from life, and I don't think a £6 an hour job in the middle of nowhere could supply this. I really cannot wait to go to University now.

Speaking of 1984, whilst we are here, I finished that book this week. It is a really good read, although the ending is a bit of a twist to what I personally expected. I won't ruin it for you, all I will say is that Morrisons is my Room 1o1. I am currently reading "Mystery Man" by Colin Batemen. I also bought the special Michael Jackson edition of TIME Magazine. Turns out he's still dead, who knew? It's actually very interesting, it's almost as if he got worse the whiter he got. He is the exact opposite of teeth.

Played cricket again. Lost cricket again. I scored a duck. Back to usual, then. But as a team, we played well against Lossiemouth, the best team in the North of Scotland. We managed to keep them to under 300 and Kev scored a few more runs to add to his sixty-odd last week. (Just for the record, I just didn't add that because I found out he actually reads this blog).

Due to fiscal restraints, with most of my money going to the DCUF (David Childs University Fund) I spent another Saturday night indoors. I spent the evening watching the film "Iron Man" staring Robert Downey Jr. I like it, although I could not help but notice a few things. Firstly, a character of his significant intelligence that Tony Stark has would surely suffer from deep, extreme autism. And secondly, why put your own name on your weapons? You'd be as well just walking about with blood on his hands. Also, such a vibrant media personality who dealt in the weapons industry would be a bit tasteless, no? As is the gold and red suit? That's what I thought.

So that was my week. Sorry it hasn't been as witty as previous blog entries, sleep deprivation and Morrison's-related depression haven't got me in the mood. I have Cara's birthday dinner on Saturday, so that should be fun.

DC

ps Andy Murray in the tennis? Hate to say I told you so....