I asked. You replied.

Hey,

So last week, in sheer boredom, I asked for your ideas for what I should blog about because my life had slowed to snail pace. An old snail. A snail with a bad back and is just waiting for a size 9 to cut it's misery short. If I am honest I didn't expect many responses but thank you my Twitter community! I shall deal with the ideas individually, the Twitter ones. I would do the Facebook ones too but I am tired. Today's my first day off since last Wednesday, so if you mind I am going to enjoy it ok! But before I go to catch up on sleep. Here it goes...

@jaffajadey - "david childs i think you should write about your views on swine flu"

Ah. Swine Flu. I haven't done that much research but every now and then I come across the Daily Mail at work with it's fear-mongering. I know that it's bad. I know it makes you ill and can possibly kill you, especially if you are a Mexican pig farmer. But I am not a Mexican pig farmer. Heck, I'm not even Mexican. What it means is I - and this could be very ignorant of me - can't seem to take it too seriously. I'm aware that by typing this my chances of catching Swine Flu have multiplied by at least seventeen, but for me Swine Flu is just an insult now. Swine flu is the new AIDS.

@cambium0 - "write about me selling mr k non-alcholic beer"

Now Campbell is referring to Rt Hon. Charles Kennedy MP buying from Co-Op. Which is fair enough, although I have never personally tried the non-alcoholic stuff to be honest. Because, if we're honest, beer doesn't taste nice. It doesn't. Cider, yes but beer. No. The only reasons why men drink beer is for the effect and for the bravado. As said in Peep Show about wine,

"It's nice for wine. Not as nice as hot chocolate though"

That sums it up nicely. And hot chocolate is nice, any day of the year. As for Charles Kennedy, he has always been symbolic of Fort William for me. Not because of his much publicised drink problem. But because he, our MP, is the most famous person to come from here. Even more famous than that decorator on Channel Five. Or Duncan Shearer. The fact that our MP is the local celebrity shows just how little happens here.

@nimro - "6000 words on molecular theory and its application in cyan ink."

Pass. It's times like these I like to remind you of my science ability. I am hopeless at all that stuff. I did Higher Chemistry and got N/A, which then got upgraded to a D> That's right, upgraded to a fail. So even the word molecular strikes fear in me. Social sciences are far cooler anyway.

@monekymad2 - "The sexy side of Mr Blobby: A polka-dot prostitute."

I found this one amusing. It would explain quite a bit. Why Noel Edmonds always had that cheeky smirk in the early nineties, and also why he became a recluse until his return as a mysterious box opener.

The story for Mr Blobby then. A name like Mr Blobby isn't his proper name. It's Clive. His name is taken from a mistaken understanding phrase, which was perceived as "fond of the blobby". Clive soon became known round the streets of Dagenham as "Mr Blobby" due to the services he offered. His services in erotica led to him being invited to a house party in 1996 and with Noel he hasn't looked back. And before you ask, I don't know why he moved to Dagenham in the first place.

So there you go. I asked. You replied. I am grateful you took the time to ask me such questions, both topical and purely farcical. I'll do it again the next time my life falls in to a lull. Which hopefully isn't for a while.

Thank you all, my fellow Twits.

DC